FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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