I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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