How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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