the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
