i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize