who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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