Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
