Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
