Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My brain says no but my pants say off.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
