Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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