tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
