do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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