im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
