it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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