4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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