I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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