I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
