I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
someone owes me an orgasm
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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