'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
