chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize