I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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