Kareoke will never be a sober sport
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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