i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
