I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
