If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We just shotgunned beers for America
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
