I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
