even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
