I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
