why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
