That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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