walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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