Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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