also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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