I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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