This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
