trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
