they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
