What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
