"it" just moved
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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