Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize