Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
