don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
two words...techno handjob
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
