Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
