If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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