arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
