remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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