Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
