the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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