Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
