I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
