We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
