I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize