I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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