i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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