I puked a lego.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
