hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
