I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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