There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
