So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm too high and old for this...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
