Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
