its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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