if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
