can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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