Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize