We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
