he wants to bone in the snuggie
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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