You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
