Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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