why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
