the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
