I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
