whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I cockslap morals
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
