So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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