she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
