Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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