I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
