I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
this boner is exhausting
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
